Saturday, November 21

Back to Carolina

photo borrowed from flickr

Take me home to Carolina
Bring me back to your side
Take me home to Carolina
Love's gonna come along for the ride
Cause by your side my feet are planted
and next to you I smile wide
Take me home, bring me near
Back to you

Southern comfort will always bring me peace
Walking slow and talking slow and sleeping under trees
You taught me love, you showed me hospitality
You let me grow my own wings so I could fly away free

(harmonica)

Take me home to Carolina
Bring me back to your side
Take me home to Carolina
Love's gonna come along for the ride
Cause by your side my feet are planted and next to you I smile wide
Take me home, bring me near
Back to you

Sunday, November 8

Love without restrictions

Yesterday the Gathering at UMD met two other campuses, American University and George Mason, in the downtrodden publichousing/projects neighborhood of Lincolen Heights in DC. We were there to serve and volunteer with the ministry Daybreak, an innercity ministry serving the families and their children of this community. There were about 30 volunteers there, crammed into this tiny liitle apartment building, eager and excited to just hang out with some kids.

I won't go through the whole say, but just an overview is that we played games with them, taught the kids a bible lesson, did arts and crafts, and memorized the verse James 4:8 (Draw near to God and he will draw near to you).

Daybreak is a bright beam of life in a community that otherwise seems so dark and lonely. This ministry provides these staruday outreach vacation bible school days twice a month for the kids, as well as a tutoring/afterschool program Monday through Thursday, as well as a mentoring program. It's awesome that God has provided this ministry to Lincoln Heights community.

I had the opportunity to go on a prayer walk through the community and hear about just a few of the hardships they have experienced. It's such a huge burden on my heart to hear these stories and get a sense of the hopelessness this community experiences daily. Since this was the first time I served and Daybreak, I haven't really seen or heard how the ministry is benefiting the community yet, but I know that giving children a safe, welcoming, and most of all loving place to be able to come and hang out and hear about God is such a blessing. Even when I was walking the sidewalks, peering up at the decrepit building and their barred windows, I coul still sense that God was there, loving down on that neighborhood, whether the community could feel it or not. And since his love is without restrictions, is a love thousands of times more fervent and powerful than any earthly love we could ever experience, God loves this community without restrictions.

The coolest thing about this is that God calls us to do the same thing, to join in with him on his force of love, not just for Lincoln Heights, but for the world. We are given this great calling, this amazing and righteous task to abandon ourselves and push away our wordly desires so that we can join with God in his love, and only through his grace and strengh we can actually come to love without restriction too. So I challenge you this week, find God'e furious love in your life, and then use it to love others without restrictions. Because what is a world that is devoid of love?

Saturday, August 29

Just Give In

It's a common phrase and question now to think or talk about what you would do if today was your last day. Honestly, as morbid as this may sound, I was thinking about what I would do if I were to die. I would be overjoyed on one hand to finally be going home to Christ, but for my last day here on earth, If I were actually going to die today, wouldn't I want to live the day completely for Christ- serving him as much as possible, showing others love all day long, and living as sinless and simply as I can? yes! A thousand times yes! So way than should any day be much different?

Our culture has a sickness; it's called being lazy. My generation is the worst at it, with procrastination being the underlying symptom. Things come up throughout the day that you have to do, or things occur to your mind that you should do, even things come up that you WANT to do- but still you put it off. "I should pray" or "I should talk to my roomates about God"....But then we don't do it. We put it off, saying this isn't a good time, or I'm too busy, or I have something else more important to do. But what's more important than God?

It's OK if we find ourselves doing this, trying to put off what's most important. It's almost natural because we are so used to putting off making big decisions, or doing homework, or excercising- the things that are important to our wordly lives. But what's more important than our wordly lives is our spiritual lives. We all have one, whether we consider our selves to be religious or Chrisitans or non-believers. You still have a spiritual life. It's that stirring inside of you, deep down in your heart, that tells you you aren't quite satisfied. It's that feeling you get when you make someone else happy and when you do good for someone else without gaining anything in return. It's wondering in your mind about how we all got here, what everything stands for, and what your life means in this world.

So I challenge you, whether you have a relationship with God or whether you never even realized that you have a spiritual life, I challenge you to listen to that voice inside you. When you try to put off doing something that's important to your spiritual life- may it be spending time in prayer or maybe just spending time by yourself thinking about the bigger things in life- just don't put it off. Give in, and you will be much happier for listening to your heart.

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."
-Matthew 5:3

Thursday, August 13

You

As the sun sets, you wrap your big, strong arms around the width of the earth, tucking in the day as you pull up the blanket of the still, silent night. You rest peacefully beside me as I sleep, watching over me and thinking of all the wonderful plans you have in store for my future. Then as the sun rises the next day, you peal back the viel of darkness and night and turn everything around me a golden, shining yellow. The new day you bring me you have filled with warmth, hope and joy. It's gift you give to me again and again and I always will gladly accept and share it with you. Thank you.

Tuesday, July 14

Shore House

Shore House

Laughing Black-eyed Susan’s
the size of a grown man’s first
are scattered about in gardens
among the pebbled lawns.
The somber glow of dusk creeps toward
the little blue A-frame house
from the running tides
of the Barnegat Bay.

The horizon is enveloped in peaches
and pinks
and kites with long tails fly
below patchy purple clouds.
Sandy bare feet run on whitewashed decks
dodging splinters
and laughs echo against the
white sandy dunes that barricade the beaches.

Friday, June 19

What is Life/ What does it all mean?

Those are two heavy questions that cross all of our minds a few times in life, or for some people I'm sure lay heavy on their heart all the time. Well, here's a new way of looking at life that I just starting thinking about:

I just read in the book Called to Question by Joan Chittister about her thoughts on life. She said, " Life on earth was simply a waiting ground for heaven." At first, I just read over at then kept going down the page, but that idea, earth being a waiting place, a preparation for heaven, kept recirculating in my head. Maybe that could be true? It makes a lot of sense.

Think of it like this: First, our time on earth is short compared to the history of humanity, and is even shorter, is only a pinch of the time we will spend in heaven after his life on earth, because we were given the gift of eternal life, being happy and content in heaven forever.

So if that's the case, then you can compare our time on earth to the foyer of a house. It's like when you are going over to a friends house or going to pick up someone for the first date, and the door is opened to you at the house, so you are welcomed in, and then you stand there, sometimes along or sometimes accompanyed by someone else who lives in the house, while you wait for your friend or significant other to come to meet you at the door. In those moments of waiting, there is an uncertainty around. You stand there awkardly or uncomfortably, looking around the hallway for something familiar, not sure what to do. You also don't know entirely what to expect, you don't know when your friend will come to the door, so there's a feeling of anticipation. That's just like what our life on earth can be compared to. It's the start of something much greater, that's for sure. And during times in our life, we all find us doubting ourselves, unsure of what we are doing, and most of the time we can never be sure of what's next and what's to come.

So then why really does this time, this breath of life, on earth even exist? Well, I've got a theory about that too. We could have st been created in heaven, or just gone straight there, or something along the uncomprehendable lines of that, but we were evidently put on this life for a reason. For all that man is, all that he is capable of doing and feeling, we had to have been created by a higher power, a divine hand that could be greater than we are. I know that God created each of us, and did so in his image. So then, God put on on earth for a reason.

When you experience something you would explain to another person as "beautiful", such as a pink and orange sunset over the water or an arching rainbow appearing over head after a downpour, those certianly are beautiful acts of nature. One of the reasons we may have been put on earth is so that we have a chance to experience things. God wanted to give us a glimpse of the beauty of what we are to experience in heaven. He wanted us to first experience the breath taking beauty of the nautre he made for us on earth before we experience the unthinkable beauty and glory we will see and witness in heaven.

Sometimes you see or hear about actions that one would describe as a miracle, whether it's big or small. For example, I would say that a few months ago or so when that pilot landed his crashing air plane in the Hudson River in out side of NYC and saved the hundreds of people who were going to die, I would say that's pretty miraculous. We hear about these king of miraculous events all the time and see others often online and on the news. Maybe it was just natural coincidence that caused them, but I really don't believe that. I think God has his hand in everything that happens. So what about you, and me? When do we get to experience our miracles? Just wait. If you keep your eyes and heart open, you'll see them all around you every day, though they may be small, they are there. I've expereienced a few already, because I understand that everything really does happen for a reason (but that's another time, another post). So all of these mini miracles, even the pilot landing his crashing plane, all of these are miniscule compared to the miracle that happens we we die, when our souls leave our bodies and pass, with angels and grace, to the heaven God created. That is the ultimate miracle, and we are just being given a tiny reminder and preview to it when we expereince so called miracles here on earth.

Finally, few people are lucky enough to ever really experience and feel love here on earth. Yes, you love your family and they love you. And yes, you love your friends and ya'll would do anything for each other. But I think the most powerful, potent love between to humans is the love and passion and yearning that two people who are truly, unabashedly in love, which is really only felt between the two people who are meant to be together, otherwise maybe known as soul mates. I kinda do think there's one person out there who I'm meant for, who from the beginning of time God said that this man would show me how to love and love me back. Unfortunately, and I can't understand why, but its disconcerting that the divorce rate in today's society is so high. And I can't explain that. Maybe those people settles before they were meant to? I don' know, I can't explain that. But what I can explain, is that I think the earthly love we have for the man/woman we love is the closest thing we can know on earth to what God's love is like for us. That yearning, heartfelt longing, and consuming love that you experience for your loved one is what God had given to us, to our hearts, so that we can have a tiny idea of what his love is like for us. But obviously, God's love really isn't even comparable to that, because he is God, and he can love like we can't even imagine.

What it comes down to is this: our time on earth is a short time of preperation before the real party starts, before we get to meet our wonderful creator, before we get to spend forever in the beautiful, miraculous, lovely heaven. (Just wanted to say, that I do think there are additional reasons we are here on earth, such as to reach out to our brothers and sisters and love them, and help them, and show them God's love; to spread the message of peace and help to bring justice to ourselves and our neighbors; etc... But that's for another time another post too) When we go to heaven we will see beauty that we thought couldn't be created, we will witness the miracle of eternal ife and real perfection, and what I'm looking forward to most of all, is that we will know what God's love is truly like, and our hearts and bodies will be filled to the brim, will be overflowing with his love for us.

Monday, June 15

Sky experiences

I love looking at the sky. I always have. I remember when I was a little girl, around 5 or 6 years old, spending afternoons just laying on the front lawn in the soft cushiony grass and staring up at the clouds as they go by. My mom and I would tell each other the animals we saw in the clouds and laugh about how ridiculous some of the clouds looked. I remember this one specific day when I was in elementary school and I was walking to the cafeteria for lunch and as I walked outside I remember the sky was this deep dark piercing blue color that was just fascinating. A few summers ago when I was in Colorado volunteering at a camp for a month we went out at night a few times into a clearing and laid wrapped in blankets, looking at the stars. I have never seen such a busy, sparkling, beautiful night sky. I swear there's more stars out west then anywhere else in the world. There were also the warm summer night in high school where my friends and I would spend hours sitting out on the driveway or in someone's backyard just hanging out, talking, and star gazing.

Today I had another amazing sky experience. It was around 5:30 or so this afternoon and I was out on the bay kayaking. It's been a while since I've kayaked, and the last few times I had been I guess were just on small lakes and rivers, so being out on the water like this, the way I was today, was incredible. As I paddled past boat docks and wooded islands, around bouys and crab traps, I was amazed at how small I felt on this great expanse of water. And then when I looked up at the sky, I was even more belittled. The sky looked bigger and wider and greater than I've ever seen it before. In the distance, the horizon was both so close, yet so far. And though the clouds above my head, with their gray underbellies and white puffy tops, appeared to be so close that i could just reach up and rip them out of the sky like a piece of velcro, I knew the sky was beyond my comprehension. The sun was fading behind the clouds with the oncoming dusk, creating a golden glow to everything under the sky. I felt like I was right below heaven. I felt so small. I was so humbled.

When you're in a position where you are astonished at the beauty of nature, and you are actually humbled by what you see, you become so thankful for the gifts of nature, life, everything. As I was paddling back to my house this afternoon, not only did I feel that the clouds above where within reach, but I felt so close to God. Like he was right there- like I could put out my and and give him a high five- that kind of right there. Even though I couldn't actually see his face or literally hear his voice, I still saw him and heard him. He was in the glory and greatness of the clouds spanned across the heavens when I looked up. He was in the shining summer sun and the wind that gently pushed my boat along the choppy water. I could imagine him whispering behind my shoulder that I am his, and he loves me. Not only did I have a great sky experience today, but I experienced God.

Friday, June 12

I wrote a song on my guitar! :)

Lord, I'm not gonna hold out on you anymore
Lord, please take away this hopelessness
Lord, let your light shine down on me
Lord, show me how to live free

You, let the rain fall
wash away the sins
the sins of the world
You, hung on the cross
died to forgive
you watched it unfold

(chorus:)
It's all about hope
It's all about grace
It's about turning toward you
letting you see my broken face
You teach me to love
You teach me to serve
You are everything to me
so much more than I deserve
You are my King
You are my King
You are
My king

Lord, you opened my heart
you showed my how to love
You've broken my soul
with your power from above

You, comfort the pain
give us strength to rise again
and conquer the world
You, create in my peace
a desire to love
I want to be the least.

It's all about hope
It's all about grace
It's about turning toward you
letting you see my broken face
You teach me to love
You teach me to serve
You are everything to me
so much more than I deserve
You are my King
You are my King
You are
My king


You are my King
You are my King
You are Jesus, my King
what does that make me.
You are my King
You are my King
You are
My king



Wednesday, June 10

The Grayness

The ghosts hiding in the mist invite,
feelings of anticipation and anxiety that excite,
souls to awaken from their slumber at night,
while birds spread their wings overhead in flight.

The grayness comes up from the center of the earth,
resulting in a drab and colorless dearth
that strangles and suffocates creatures from their birth,
which leads to tempting, testing, and contemplating their worth.

The horizon can barely be seen far away,
across the lurching and tumbling of the bay;
the haze preceedes the ending of the day
and invites the gloomy dampness to stay.

Monday, June 8

Rebuild

" 'I will bring back my exiled people Israel; they will rebuild the ruined
cities and live in them. They will plant vineyards and drink their wine; they
will make gardens and eat their fruit. I will plan Israel in their own land,
never again to be uprooted from the land I have given them,' says the Lord your
God." - Amos 9:14-15


A while back the band Switchfoot partnered up with Habitat for Humanity to help out after Katrina. They released this song around that time called Rebuild- it's an awesome song- great lyrics and a wonderful beat. You can actually download it free from Switchfoot, so go here and do that: http://www.switchfoot.com/rebuild/ .


It's really sad to think that the world has always been a broken place. Ever since the beginning of time there has been saddnes, pain, fear, longing. Many of us don't experience the brokeness that much of the world does. Yes, some of us do face hardships like broken hearts, sicknesses, or deaths in the family, and yes those are very hard times filled with lots of tears. But compared to the brokeness and disparity felt by those who have nothing in third world countries, we have it good.

I dream about the day that all this poverty, hunger, hurt, fear, death, fighting and war will be over. I dream about the day when every nation will be united and the people on this earth, our brothers and sisters, will be friends. I dream about the day when my God will bring justice to the earth and heal the brokeness that has seeped into so many hearts. I'm so thankful that the Lord is a loving God and that he believes in justice. I probably won't live to see this new kingdom on earth, when God rebuilds the lands and its people, but I know that day will come. And I can't wait.

Saturday, June 6

Ambitions.

Main Entry:
am·bi·tion

Function:
noun
Etymology:
Middle English, from Middle French or Latin; Middle
French, from Latin ambition-, ambitio, literally, act of soliciting for votes, from ambire

1 a: an ardent desire for rank, fame, or power b: desire to
achieve a particular end
2: the object of ambition
3: a desire for activity or exertion



Main Entry:
am·bi·tious
Function:
adjective

1 a: having or controlled by
ambition b: having
a desire to achieve a particular goal :
aspiring
2: resulting from, characterized by, or showing ambition

It's always very exciting when you have something that you are looking
forward to, something that drives you and compels you to do something with your
life. I have given and allowed myself to have ambitions and be ambitious for
once. It's always a bit scary, because with any type of goal that you set for
yourself or journey that you embark on, there is always the chance of failure,
of not acheiving. But with ambitions, what have you got to lose?

Every summer has pretty much always been the same. But looking back, even
just over this past year, I realize how much I've changed. For one, there's my
relationships with my family. I used to always take the time I spend over the
summer with my grandma for granted, but last summer I realized how precious our
time is together, how much I care and love her, and I'm so excited to see her
and spend time just sitting at her kitchen table sharing stories over cups of
tea and looking out the window at the sun set over the bay. Also, my
relationships with my parents have changed (not sure why I'm getting into ways
that I've changed... that wasn't the intention of this, but it seems to fit in
here, and I like to write, so why not...). Even though I hardly ever see them
anymore I feel like, just the major holidays really, I've grown a lot closer to
my mom. I actually kindof enjoy hanging out with her now (wierd! haha) and she's
more like a friend to me now than anything else. I'm not embarrassed to like
talk to her about the stuff that goes on in my life, and I much more value her
opinion about things now. But then on the other hand, for some reason my
relationship with my dad has gotten worse. I feel like the distance and space
between him and me just keeps getting bigger and bigger and when I do see him
it's kind of wierd and I don't know what to talk about with him. And even though
I am off at college and on my own, I still do feel that pressure to try to
succeed and please him so he can be proud of me. I think I may always have that
feeling, that need to try to make daddy proud. Maybe I just need to accept
that.... Oh and another thing, somewhere along the line, not sure when, maybe
since high school, or last year? I don't know, but that's not important as to
when, just sometime, I have really learn to appreciate life, to just look around
me and be thankful for what I see, thankful for what I have and what's been
given to me. Thankful for all the blessings, the wonderful and the not so good
ones, in my life. And being constantly thankful, aware of the blessings, and
appreciative of life in general makes life so much more happy, fun and
enjoyable.

.....

Anyways, back to now. This summer, instead of just getting a worthless summer
job because I have to and I have nothing better to do (well- it's never
neccesarily been my choice.. Dad always make me get a summer job- but that's OK)
I feel like I am really working for something. I mean, I do have just another
worthless summer job again, haha, actually the same one as last summer- but I've
also managed to get a second job too, so that's pretty exciting. So basically,
I'll be working all the time this summer. And though I surely will complain
about it often, I really don't mind. If I were not working, I'd be sitting
around the house or at the beach doing nothing. Plus, I've got a plan!

Ok so my plan is to save everything I make- as much as I can, minus minor
food expenses, gas money, and the occaisional splurge on a new shirt or
something of the sort.... And the long run plan, is that in general, once I've
saved enough to travel to the next place on my list, then off I'll go. My dream
is to be able to travel the world and write about it. Although I'm technically
not a writer anymore, this has been my dream since the beginning of middle
school, early maybe even. I just want to see the world, all the beauty in it,
experience the cultures that define the billions of people who breathe on this
planet we call earth, shake hands and share smiles with strangers from different
backgrounds, with different stories. I want to live life and experience all that
I can. That is my dream. And back again, to reality.... the money that I make
this summer will enable me to go back to Haiti again in January, and I can't
wait. I want to hug and see and play with all my friends again. I want to
experience that love and that hospitality and I want to help those people again.
I can't wait to go back.

I also am planning on working through the school year too, so with the rest
of my summer money, plus all of the school year next year, I should have plenty
saved up and then I will be able to go abroad over the whole summer next year!
I've done a lot of researching and I have found some amazing study abroad
programs. My favorite is actually in Prague, Czech Republic. Can you imagine
spendin 8 weeks in PRAGUE! Gosh, I can't! Haha! And another of my favorite
programs is in Guatemala and is focused on social work and spanish language.
That's perfect, because I would be able to get social work credit and help
people and learn spanish- which I've been meaning to do forever!

So, we shall see where the future leads me. I hate making plans ahead of
time, so I'm not going to. No. These aren't plans at all. These are just
aspirations. Ambitions.

I'm just being ambitious.

Thursday, June 4

Sitting on the sands...



I took this picture standing in the middle of the bay on a sandbar just off the coast of Percin, a slum in Haiti. The villagers took us out to the sandbar to marvel at the beauty of the Haitian land. We were rowed out there in a huge boat that was made from a burnt and dug out tree trunk. The guys who took us out there were so funny, they spoke little English, but the bit they did know they were taught by two American University students who had spent last summer there teaching English to kids. Sitting and rocking back and forth, back and forth in this boat, I couldn't beleive my eyes. Were they playing tricks on me? Our missions team had just walked from the dilipated buildings of the city street, where street vendors sold old tennis shoes or used electronics and where little children ran around playing games with no parent supervision, and we walked through the slum of Percin, with the hundreds of tiny shacks with mudfloors and few with tin roofs, with children staring out at us from behind their walls, through the holes in their walls, with holes in their own clothes. Walking down to the water, to the shore-side, through this broken village where I had never seen such depravity, I admit there were doubts in my mind. How could a God exist in a place like this, where the people actually have nothing? How could a God be here and not help and show love to these people? How could he let it get this bad for them? But then, sitting in the makeshift canoe, 100 yards away from the shore, I was baffled by how beautiful it was. I had just seen such poverty and ugliness, and now I was faced with the beauty of the world, of God's creation. I could see some old sailboats harbored nearby with big sails, the rocky hills of Haiti reaching up and dissappearing into mountains hidden by clouds, the bright, hot sun shining way high above our heads. God is here. He was there in the slums too. He was in the children's laughs, their smiles, the nature of the villages to care and love for us, different people from a different world who they didn't even know...




Sitting on the sands of the shores of life, each new day laps at my toes with the rising tide. I find myself amazed at everything-- at life, at love, at the beauty of nature. I know that life is what you make it. Tomorrow will be nothing unless you make it something. No matter what they say or what they do-- you are in charge of your life and you do hold your future, your destiny, the rest of your life in your own hands.



"The whole of human nature is a metaphor of the human mind." -Emerson

Tuesday, June 2

Is happily ever after only real in fairy tales

Our society has become so dilluted with the idea of love, through movies, tv, and the media, that I'm afraid we may have set our own expectations too high. Things rarely ever work out the way they do in the movies: a boy and a girl stumble upon each other and experience the classic "meet-cute," it's love at first sight, they date without fighting and find they are perfect for each other, soul mates, he proposes in some utterly romantic way, they have a big, white, expensive, beautiful outdoor wedding, most likely along the beach, and then they live happily ever after.

But how likely is that really to happen in American society today? Less than 1% I'm sure. The divorce rate has been hovering around 50% for the past several years, and that's not good news for us single folks, or the married ones. So you're telling me, that I have a one in two chance of not living happily ever after? And if you think about it, its probably less still, because those people that are married and who don't divorce, how happy are they? And when I mean happy I don't mean you and your husband both work 9-5 jobs, have 2.5 kids, and a white picket fence in the suburbs (is that still even the American dream anymore)....

When I look down the road and picture myself just ten years from now, my idea of happiness is quite different from all of that- but its real. I could see myself living in some big, busy, polluted city in an apartment that is adorable by my standards, but might be a little small and dirty to others, but it suits me just fine. I work at a job that I absolutely love where I am able to make a tangable difference in the world, where I am able to better humanity and spread love. Maybe I've meet that someone special to spend the rest of my life with at that point, but maybe I haven't. There's no rush here. With my loving family, great friends, and a God who's always there, I could never be lonely. I don't need a guy to make me happy. I mean, don't get me wrong, I do desperately want to fall in love with a tall, dark handsome man who treats me like a princess, but just in case my fairy tale never comes true, I will still be happy....

I still don't thing, despite what our society reflects in statisitcs and heartbreaks, that we ought to give up on the idea of happily ever after, true love, and soulmates. It is out there. Maybe only a lucky few will ever find it, but I know that it is. If I search my brain I can conjure up a few friends and people I know who found their prince charmings and who live that live filled with love, joy, and happiness. So to all you who have love, congradulations, and to those of us who haven't yet, good luck. May the force be with you. :)

Sunday, May 31

Sitting at the kitchen table late at night-- the idea of sleep seems like a dream, but I've realized my diagnosis may not be insomnia but rather an addiction to caffeine-- I have a permanent smile, smirk of sorts, on my lips. I just realize how lucky, fortunate and blessed I am. I am aware of all the beauty that's in this world, how I can't go two minutes without witnessing some beautiful thing or another in nature, in life. And what's more, is when I am staring at this beauty, when it is in plain sight right before my eyes and I cannot be aware of anything else, it becomes astutely obcvious where all of this beauty comes from.

In case I'm being a bit ambigious, let me paint a picture for you: It's completely silent and quiet in the house because I have it all to myself, except for the soothing tunes of Josh Garrels in the background. It's a bit chilly because the cool Jersey shore air had yet to turn into that warm, summer breeze, so I'm comfortably wrapped up in my big red Maryland sweatshirt. My bare feet, with fresh red toe-nail polish, are propped up on the chair and my body is completely relaxed. My can of diet pepsi lime (I've lost count of how many that makes this for today) is beside the laptop- and next to me sits a petite glass vase with a single flower looking back at me. It's a type of daisy-I think- with a great big brown center that's soft and fuzzy to the touch, and what seems like hundreds of delicate deep yellow orange petals stretching out to the world around it. I might think the flower were lonely if it didn't seem to be so happy, bright, and smiling back at me.

Upon closer examination, after holding the flower in my hand, feeling the silky, gentle yet strong petals, I am overwhelmed with how much beauty and grace can be contained in this one little flower, this one daisy.

So much love and life and breath was given to this flower from the earth. So much gentleness was put into its growth. So much tenderness into its germination. It smells so sweet too, it almost seems unreal. Like one of those perfect little plastic flower you might buy at the craft store for 3.99- except its so far from that- this is real life. This is beautiful. This is creation.

And as i hold the wet, strong green stem between two fingers in my right hand, I not only see a cute yellow daisy, I see a piece of God himself. If this beautiful little thing were not part of God's creation, then someone please tell me how it could have been made. Everthing about this flower is beautiful. And is perfect. Even though some of its petals are longer than others and stick out at funny angles, and even though the center pollen thingies aren't symmetrical at all, this flower is perfect. I almost want to believe a more perfect flower has never been made. I looke at this flower, this living, growing thing, and thank God for growing it, and thank God for making me.

If this flower is perfect to God, than so am I. I believe that in God's eyes, he has made me who I am on purpose, and I find joy in the fact that I am loved for exactly who I am.

Thursday, May 28

Untitled poem:

There is only one set of footprints on my bedroom floor,
one set of breakfast, lunch and dinner plates piled in my kitchen sink.
One body floating through the front door
and just one bathtowel hanging next to the shower.
The only voices are those of characters on the tv
or faceless singers on the radio--
strangers that live with me in this empty house.
The vegetables in my garden and the herbs in my flower pot
aren't lonely.
The zuchinni has the squash
and the basil has the cilantro.
I have my shadow to follow me where I go.
Except for on cloudy, rainy, foggy days like today.
Today, I have my typewriter, my guitar, my countless cups of coffee
to keep me company.
The empy space beside me invites my thoughts to fill it.
The air around me beckons me to spin and twirl and dance.
The world outside my covered windows seems caught in a trance--
where no one exists and seconds melt into hours.
Inside, with socks to warm my feet and words to warm my heart,
I am comfortable.
A smile spreads across my face and threatens the darkness outside.
If it knocks on my door, it will find no one home.
And it will leave.

Sunday, May 24

Long Beach Island


Here I am again. Back home to LBI. LBI will always be a second home to me, even when my Grandma's house is gone (or, no longer "our" home). I've spent every summer here since I was born. It's more familiar to me than College Park, and just as familiar if not more than my town in North Carolina. I just love it here.

The four block walk to the ocean, the seagulls squaking at all hours, the starry sky, the smell of salt water, the sunset over the bay, the old hammock that is impossible to balance, bike rides, the wharf area. Everything here has been good memories.

And sadly, realisticly, this is going to be my last summer here. So i really should, and really do, want to make the best of it. I thought last summer would be my last, that I would have some snazzy summer internship lined up in DC, but I don’t. And that’s Ok. Because I love spending my summers here and having the chance to spend time with my grandma. This is usually the only time I get to see here, so I really value our time together. And I’ve learned to really appreciate all her stories of the good ol days and her words of wisdom. If you think about it, few people in the world ever purely love you. I mean, sure, you will have lots of boy/girl friends that say they “love” you and many friends who care about you and “love” you and your parents will always “love” you no matter what you do, but how genuine and real is that love when it comes down to it?

I can without a doubt tell that my Nana is one of the few people that will ever genuinely, purely love and care about me, and I am so thankful for that and for our friendship.

But back to LBI.

It’s definitely a big contrast to what I’ve been used to the past 8 or so months, living in College Park. It’s very family oriented here- and in CP because of the college town the family unit is basically non-existent. It’s very quite here. It’s very carefree, laid back and not stressful- which I am so relieved about. It’s completely the opposite of any big city or metropolitan area- no high rise buildings or chain restaurants or companies. It’s simple, that’s what the island is. And I cherish it’s simplicity.

I should really take advantage of that- and the free time I have away from school work and stress and other obligations- to discover new things. How many times in your life do you really have the opportunity to do that. I want to take up photography, and pursue it as a hobby on a normal basis. I have dabbled in it a few times before, but I have never quite gotten used to it and developed a skill for it.

Also, my bookshelf is staked with books upon books and countless magazines that are still to be read. Instead of sacrificing sleep to stay up watching terrible and boring movies until 3 am and then wanting to sleep till noon the next day, I should catch up on reading. Make something out of that free time when my insomnia is at its worst.

And now is the best time to get back in shape and start running again. Running on the beach is no easy task- it’s exhausting, but so fun! M oal is to get back to the level I was at at the beginning of freshman year where I can run 6 miles without stopping.

So I’ll leave with this. If you make one big purchase this summer, I encourage you to buy a good hammock. I really want to, probably won’t cause I’m saving my money for future travels and what not, but really, nothing is better than sitting and completely relaxing and taking a mid-afternoon nap in a hammock in the shade. :)

Wednesday, May 13

Jason Mraz is off the hizzay :) Finallizzay!

So! I'm FINALLY going to see Jason Mraz in concert this summer >> AUG 9 in Phill << and I'm just beside myself with excitement! I can hardly wait! I was thinking, and out of all of the musicians and artists and singers that I really like these days, he is the one that I have liked for the longest. most of my music tastes have varied, swayed, and changed, but not for MR.A-Z. Nope. He's still in the top two. Him and JET. And I'm pretty sure JET is number 2. But I have seen JET in concert and got to be FRONT ROW CENTER and they were freakin amazing! So Jason has a lot to live up to. I'm pretty bumed I'm seeing him in an open stage setting with such a large crowd, I would much rather it be in a small setting, small stage like Black Cat in Bmore... or better yet a coffee shop would be ideal, but that's pushing it a bit.... Anyways, I'm super pumped to see him live and I know it's going to be a great show with G. Love and Bushwala there as well!!

Widget

Thursday, May 7

What does peace look like in your life?
Is it saying hello to the garbage collectors or cleaning ladies? Is it refraining from chastising your roomates about their uncleanly habits? Is it telling your professor that you appreciate their words of wisdom and enjoy their class? Is it letting a friend know how much you love them? Is it allowing your significant other to have the last say and win the petty argument?
We are so blessed to live in a county that isn't experiencing war. We can wake up in the morning to a beautiful sunrise without worrying about walking outside. We lay our heads down on soft pillows each not to a lulling silence that is void of distant bombs and gun shots. Peace is essentially everywhere in our lives. It's given to us, yet we don't readily acknowledge or realize that and how lucky we are.
So take a moment and reflect on the peace in your life. Be thankful for the areas where it's present. And in those places where you could use some peace, work at trying to remedy the conflict, so peace can shine like the sun on a bright summer afternoon.

"Seek peace and pursue it"

Wednesday, May 6

What would it look like if I turned my life fully over to God?

I'm convinced that my life would be filled with much more happiness and peace and joy, because with God, all there would be in life is love and hope. Lots and lots of it.

Saturday, May 2

April has just passed us by

First, check out the band Tenth Avenue North - if you listen to just one of their songs, go to their website and under the media page listen to the song By Your Side.

Secondly, some things are changing. I can't quite touch my finger tip to what they are, but I just know times they are a changing. It's almost as if I'm at a cross roads of sorts. I'm sure with what though. It's almost like, I finally am realizing what life is. We're only given a very short amount of years to tread on this Earth, and we really ought to do as much as we can with it, we really ought to enjoy as much of it as we can, and most importantly, we really ought to change things and make a difference when we can.

I am so fortunate and feel so unbelievably blessed to have been given everything that I have and to have experienced all that I have. And I shouldn't take that for granted. I know I should take the resources and time and abilities and gifts that I have and share them with the world, with those who don't have them.

I am just really excited for what the future holds. There are so many opportunities to learn, to grow, to laugh, to cry, to do good in days to come- I just can't wait for it all.

To end, here are some lyrics from that song you should listen to:

Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love?

Why are you still searching?As if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run?
To where will you run?

Wednesday, April 15

Chai tea and economics--
there's just something intriguing about rainy afternoons.
Sipping sugar with a spoon.
Puddles present laughable comics
and people splish and splash
and get splashed by passing cars.
A flash of joy in a passing smile,
dash and dodge the raindrops.
The child crawls before he walks
and talks before he sings.
Windows cracked
and buildings built with colonial styles.
Walking on bricks to stop
and window shop.
Buy books to store
in crannies and nooks,
dirty shoes and wet socks.

Prickleberries slop.
Puddles of mud and pockets of rain.
Crunch.
Orange carrots and care for the poor
and destitute.
Coffee cups and pizza
tumble toward the edge.
Thin lines
words between vines
that crawl among rhymes.
Letters grow
like thunder.
Lighting lashes the horizon.
Teacups and sugar.
Spoons that swoon
and swing on trees.
Remember remember.
Ice.
Crystals that crack
and necks that crane
and look for love among lust.
Sweetness on the brink
of steel.
Still sparkles linger.
Crash.
Darkness collects.
Wings stretch.
Statues saturate.
And stillness survives.

Sunday, March 29

Never seen a day so beautiful
with the grass this green.

The clouds cast running shadows on the ground.

They try to race me and win.

Gray on the bottom, white on top.

Discolored like the dirty socks in my clothes hamper.

Puffy.

The clouds beckon me to join them

flying

high in the sky.

To become a part of the air.

I swim through the sky.

Saturday, March 14

In about 14 hours, I will be on my way to Haiti, rather God will be leading me there. Though I am excited to do somehting I've never done before, go to another country, and have fun playing soccer with children, I must make sure not to overlook the purpose of this trip. I am going to serve God, to do his will, to bring his love and mercy and peace and hope to the people in Haiti. And I believe that among all the destitution and brokennes down there on the island of Hispaniola, God is there.

I feel so blessed that God chose me and is using his hands to guide me to Haiti. I can only pray that I will be able to have the strengh and compassion needed to work so that the Haitians can see Jesus through my work and my actions. God truly is great and we really are his body.

Honestly, I am not afraid of being unsafe or scared down there in Haiti. What I fear the most is that the Lord is going to break my heart down there. That he's going to show me things and introduce me to kids that are going to hit my heart so hard that it will be impossible to forget. I'm afraid I'm going to want to do more, and that I'm not going to want to leave Haiti... But maybe I'm jumping ahead of myself. All I know now, is that I am so so so thankful for God's prescence in our lives, and that without him, I would be nothing.

Tuesday, March 10

home, sweet home

Just spent a long weekend back at home. It's getting stranger and stranger to go back to my parents house, beacuse it's were I lived and grew up for for almost thirteen years of my life, but it's not home anymore. Regardless of that, North Carolina was very warm and sunny this weekend and I enjoyed sitting out on the front steps and just watching the world go by. It was also great getting to see my mom and dad and just spend time with them, watching movies and playing games and all.

I had the plan going into this weekend that I needed to talk about some pretty heavy things with them too. And we did have those discussions. (Unfortunately) the outcome of the conversations may not have gone ideally like I wanted, but I have faith that things are going to work out. Let's just say that I am very unsure of my future-- and even the fall-- right now, but I am accepting that and trying really hard to just hand everything over to God and not to worry at all, because I truly believe that he known the plan for me and that it is a good one....

These hands,
they hold on to earthly things--
but this heart,
with heavenly grace it sings.

Wednesday, March 4

The Trees

Tonight,
the tips of the trees were on fire.
They burned with the setting sun.
Auburn red.
Flames engulfing the earth.
They burned as the day came to a close.

Standing straight
their branches envelope the earth.
They are stationed with good posture,
as if they went to Catholic school and were forced to stand up straight in line or else get rapped on the hand with a ruler.
They are like soldiers,
stationary. They cannot move but upwards,
towards the heavens.

Their golden bark glows in the light
as it dims. Their naked limbs are cold
with the coming darkness of night.

They beckon to me to join their party
in the mysterious forest beyond,
to dance underneath them and hear my
heavy feet crunch the dead leaves below them.

I look up and see the sun slipping from branch to branch,
all the way down to the mossy ground.

Tuesday, March 3

Give my tiny hands needle and thread
and they will work to mend this broken world.
Rest on my shoulder your frowning head
and it will provide comfort for your woes.
I will lend you my ear,
again and again,
as you pour out your heart and soul to me--
if only your sorrows could be free.

Give me supplies and I will go make,
a tower to heaven for all the world to take.
By His grace we are saved.
He is the maker and I am only the clay.
Justice and peace, love transcending all.... I pray.

Day by day, my steeps quicken with speed,
fastening down for the ever growing need,
that the world continues to bear.
She gives birth to more tears every hour
than a gentle smile could ever hope to devour,
but all hope is not lost yet,
for what's that I see on the horizon--
community, freedom, good-will,
and grace.

One day,
love will be all that is left
to fill up this empty sace.

Monday, March 2


"Your voice is all I hear somehow"

That's from a Joshua Radin song (Im becoming obsessed with his
music :) ) and I love it because that's exactly how I want to feel about the Lord. I want his voice, his guidance and direction, to be the only thing I hear, the only prescence in my life. I wish I could say that is how it is now, but I would just be kidding myself. It't not easy to train your mind to focus only on God; it takes practice and trial and error. It's hard, because the devil is trying to sneak in there and grab my thoughts and my actions.

But I patiently and persistantly pray for strength to keep my eyes on what is good, holy, and unseen.

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (1 Corinthians 4:17-18)

Sunday, March 1

( I didn't take this picture, I just found it online.)

ISN"T HE CUTE!!!!!???
So basically, this was me all weekend. I think I got 11 hours of sleep on Friday night and 12 hours last night. And let me just tell you, the cure for the common cold is totally SLEEP! Sleep + as much Vitamin C as you can get + Zicam cold medicine + juice = getting well fast. I feel so much better than I did last Wednesday and Thursday.

I know I usually post poems and such, but for some reason my creativeness in me has been MIA lately. I'm sure if I sat down and didn't stop thinking untill I pounded out some verses that rhymed, but I hate forces creativity. The best creativitiy comes from passion and from your heart- it's natural.
It's been a great weekend though- Friday I got to Skype (i just discovered Skype and I LOVE IT!) with my best friend from home, Janice, and it was great to talk with her and catch up. She showed me some really cool pictures that a friend of hers, Aaron, took while he was in Haiti. Here are the photos she showed me:




And the reason I'm so excited about these pictures and about sharing them is because I'm going to HAITI in exactly TWO WEEKS!

I'm going with a group of seven other UMD students and recent college graduates through a ministry on campus called THE GATHERING. We're going on a missions trip to Percin, which basically sounds like a little ghetto in a town called Petit Guave. We're going to be focusing most of our time and effort on spending it with the children in this village. I hear we'll be playing lots and lots of soccer (which I'm super excited about) and doing educational activities with them. Another big part of the reason we are going here is to host workshops with the adults in the village to teach them about the importance of family relationships, becuase evidently within Haitian culture, parents don't really associate themselves with their own children and don't even play with their kids.

Can you imagine a five year old boy trying to take care of his newborn baby sister all by himself?

Well, unfortunately that's how it is there- and were hoping to teach them ways in which the adults can be more interactive with their kids and how they can ensure that their children live healthier and better lives.

And I have to raise a totall of $1800 to be able to go, which is alot, but I know its going to be totally worth it, and I still need about $700, so I'm just hoping the Lord will provide somehow- and I know that he will.

So anyways, we'll be in Haiti for a week and I'm just so excited to start new freindships with the Haitians and see what God has in store for us to do there.

Thursday, February 26

Each day I persistantly pray for patience,
gathering my pride and confessing
my failures.

When the winds and rains come,
I do not fear,
for I have my umbrella.

My hope comes not from within,
but from above.

I cry out in the night and
You
are there.

There to rescue me from darkness
and pain.

You paint a smile on my face
and make my heart beat with glee.

Wednesday, February 25

Romans 12:

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your reasonable act of worship.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.

Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man’s gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.

Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to do menial work. Do not be conceited.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: It is mine to avenge; I will repay, says the Lord (Deut.) On the contrary: If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink… (Prov.)

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Silly little prayers


There she sat,
smiling and giggling
at all the silly bubbles and baubles life placed on her plate.

She hated hello's and goodbye's,
loved the rain,
and wanted to make a difference in the world—
not for her,
but for others.

Her pink lips and golden brown eyes
open wide to take in the world.

She closes her eyes,
tilts her golden head up towards the shimmering
bright
sun. She breathes in deep—
taking in life and letting out love.

She tries to train her heart to love no matter what,
despite her own bruises and bandages,
she's determined to love better,
to love more,
to care deeper.

She prays to be taught how to love like He loves her.
Unconditional.
Merciful.

She knows she can't attain His perfection—
for He's the only one—
but she can hope to obtain enough love that her heart will overflow
and she can pour it out to others.

Prayers for peace.
Justice.
Hope.

Prayerss for friends,
for family,
for the world.

Big prayers that climb mountains and small ones
that crawl into ant holes.

He answers them all.

Monday, February 23

Here's a beautifully written poem by T.S. Eliot called
Ash Wednesday:
It's definitly worth taken the time to read.

http://www.msgr.ca/msgr-7/ash_wednesday_t_s_eliot.htm

Tuesday, February 17

Further into the forest


Further into the forest
Each year I walk a little farther,
gathering my belongings—my smiles and my tears—
and stuffing them into suitcases and trunks.
I believe the movement enables me to grow,
but some may argue I am running from my fears.

After a month or two of showers and baths,
it becomes time to buy a new bar of soap.
Or I could forgo the cleansing,
escape to the woods,
and pursue a journey for a new kind of hope.

I would walk farther than ever before,
scaling mountains and wading through streams—
though my life would be wet and dirty,
spotted with bugs, mud, and evergreen trees,
I would be running after my dreams.

The trees would grow taller around me
as I hide out in the wildnerness.
Would I continue to grow?
Would my fears begin to show?
Or would they, and the life that I lived, disappear with tenderness?

After lying in the clearing for so many years,
eventually I would find what I was searching for.
A bright light will appear above me,
beckoning me on towards the heavens
as I rise up with the key and open a new door.

Sunday, February 15

Nature reflects itself within me,
Causing my heart to fill with rain, water, grass, and pollen.
My self grows as does a plant,
Reaching upwards and higher towards the heavens.
I stand tall and firm like an old oak tree,
My branches reaching out and forming the bond we
Share and hold, as dust formed me and thee.
The leaves will die as the seasons befallen.
Up my trunk crawls a wee little ant.
Shelter and love to it I do grant
For it whines from toil and I tire of its rant,
Least this beast gains wings and me it leavens.


My pumpkin

There's a pumpkin poised on my kitchen table--
it's been sitting there for several months.
The orange brings a pop of bright, warm color
to the drabness of the room.
It was a present from my father
to welcome the fall and ring in October.
And now that spring is around the corner
my jack-o-latern friend seems out of place.
He's lonely there, next to the Valentine's roses,
but I can't bear to move him:
off the table, out the door, down the stairs,
and throw him into the dumpter.
It would be such a shame.
He reminds me of my favorite season:
the coolness that is refreshing after the heat of summer,
the falling, crinkly leaves,
the thought and hope of snow,
Thanksgiving and family.
All are good memories that I don't want to let go.

Saturday, February 14


The frozen ground I tread on turns my breath to steam.
Everything’s cold and still
as if I’m sleepwalking through a never ending dream.
Wake up!
I need to feel alive.
Get up!
My passion the cold can never kill.

Wandering through these lazy days
I feel less and less accomplished,
trying to make sense of the different ways
to take through life’s silly journey.
Keep going!
I’m encouraged.
Don’t stop!
I’m pushed on.
Moving onward, though sometimes slowly, with no delays.

My soul floats above me
and views this weakened face.
Apart from my body
my thoughts float off into space.
I need to anchor my feet
to this cold ground below.
I must keep grounded
and hope my thoughts don’t blow.

Tear the shackles away.
I won’t run.
I just can’t stand my body to be bounded.

Friday, February 13

Wednesday, February 11

I can taste spring in the air
it tickles the tip of my tongue
my prayers for life and love have been answered
in the breeze
I seek and find hope
The vast blue book above my head beckons
me to the heavens
its pages covered with white puffy words
that make funny animal forms
I see a bunny
a giraffe
a turle
I see myself
I see God

The wind forms a vacuum around my body
it blows my bones
signaling a sweet rain
that tastes like gum drops when it hits my lips

Crawling over the horizon the sun
begins the day with light
Vague at first
an ever present glowing in the back of my mind

My feet beg to be bare
and frolic through thick
green grass
We spun in circles
arms outstretched
and fall down on our bony backs
the ground soft beneath
with our cares and worries left spinning
in circles above our bodies
with giggles gurgling from our red mouths
we can’t stop laughing
I can’t cease smiling

Sunday, February 8


Just take it for what it is.
And what is that?
You decide.

oh, and p.s.- all of these photos that I am posting from now on, including this one and all future ones, as well as the beach picture at the top, are my photographs :)

Friday, February 6

So, I'm filling out a registration form for something and it asks all the usual information: name, gender, address, school, major, graduation year,etc. But I get down to the bottom and see the question "Intended Career Field" and it totally just threw me off. I realize, and this never occured to me, that I have no idea what I "intend" to have as my "career." When I tell people I am majoring in journalism, they automatically assume I want to be a journalist, but I would say that is false. I love to write, and that's about it. I've discovered the hard way, through many articles and late late nights, that being a reporter is not for me. I don't enjoy that stress, that level of dedication to the press. Instead, I just like to write. Poetry mostly, maybe a few short stories here and there, and hopefully novels one day down the road. But unfortunately, these days one cannot really make a living off of rhyming words and prose. Darn. I raelly had my hopes up. :)
So what now? Well, you know, I'm actually not worried about it at all. I know that God has a plan for me and I know that it's a good one. If for some odd reason his plan is for me to be a journalist, then it won't be easy and I won't always enjoy it, but I'll do it. If his plan is to live in Africa and do whatever I can do help those people, to love on them, and to let them hear the good news, then I would be so excited to do so. If his plan is to work for a non-profit, cool. If it's too start an intentional community so I can reach out to my neighbors and help them and love on them, then I would be all the more ready for it.
Bottom line is, I have no idea what the Lord has in store for me. My future truly is a blank slate, and the Lord holds the white stub of chalk with which he uses to draw out my life story.

Wednesday, February 4

Obsession

If wishes could fly I would send one to you
surely there are pieces of the world you desire that are not in your possession
whether something imaginative or something true
let me give you this one digression.

You think not about what you have but draw conclusions from what is gray and blue
and that which appears bright and red has come as a single transgression
but fear not for this hope is within view
death shall no sooner overcome your fleeting session.

Colors of the earth blend with blacks and whites of the sky forming an interesting hue
so that your eyes will sparkle and the stars leave on you an impression
caught up quite within life you have been hiding from view
now the wish has come pick your obsession.

Monday, February 2

Why I Write

In the spirit of classic authors, and because I am about to read my homework for class, which is two essays by famous writers, both titled "Why I Write," I am going to share with you, briefly, my thoughts on the matter:

....

(this is harder than I thought it would be) ...

.....

Writing is my way of expressing my innermost feelings, the ones that are hiding within my heart, that no ears will ever hear. For me, putting dark lead or ink words and letters on to a blank page or tapping my fingers on lettered keys as letters appear next to a flashing cursor on the computer screen, is life. I am my words and my words are me.

I would be nothing without words, without prose, without poems. They are my outlet and my way to clear my mind of exciting or troubling things, such as love, fear, rain and God. Through my writing, I can work at sorting through the messes inside of me so that when letters form words that form sentances and thoughts and ideas and messages, everything just makes sense.

Writing is also a way for me to convey a message to the world, a bridge of understanding of sorts. Through writing, I can speak in ways I could never do aloud, use language more carefully, more thoughtfully, and be definitive about what I say and mean. Writing makes me happy. Writing is my love.

Saturday, January 31

New Friends

To laugh with strangers is a rare gift
when chuckles and giggles come fast and swift
tearing apart any withstanding rift
then you know you have made friends.

A smile from lips unfamiliar and eyes unknown
and pure joy from within that is not your own
when words and gestures, thoughts and care atone
then you know you have made new friends.

When a simple touch on the arm brings a smile to your face
and life creeps on slowly at an enjoyable pace
the sweetness of heaven you can almost taste
then you know you have made good friends.
I abhor anticipation. It makes me very, very nervous and I get this sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach that works its way up to my heart and my mind if I worry about the future for long enough. It's very strange. Like, if I think too much about what I'm doing over the summer, and really start to try and plan things out, I get nauseous. I really hate making plans too, because right before the aforementioned plan is about to occur, my brain wants to bail and not partake in the event. I wish life could be led out of spontaneity completely. Things would be much more enjoyable, fun, carefree, and meaningful then, I shall presume.

Thursday, January 29

Sometimes, I hear a ticking noise, but no clocks or watches or time machines are near by. What could the tick-tock, the click-click-click, counting every single passing second be from?

Wednesday, January 28

Dodging rain drops

Today, I was dodging rain drops
running to and fro
playing hide and seek with puddles
with no umbrella anywhere I go.

Although the water fell fast from the heavens
and spiraled down towards the vast earth and ground
I managed to stay dry and warm and
in comfort I abound.

As darkness blankets the concrete roads
shining and glimmering with wetness
I settle in with bread and cheese
and take off my shoes and dresses.

The rain may continue during the night
but I know that come morning and morrow
the sun will be bright and glowing
providing joy and happiness for all to borrow.

Monday, January 26

Untitled Poem



The peaceful glistening, shimmering, shining of the snowflakes brings serenity to my soul.

The cold soothes the furious fires within my body,

unknots the coil of my stomache, allowing me to breathe.

The brisk January air turns my nose, cheeks and ears to a rosey pink-- a shade of subdued hope.

The flakes catch on my eyelashes and my lips, soft and tingly like a lovers touch, but they leave not love for passion is laking in the cold.

They are prevented from getting to my heart for my scarf, twisted in knots like my insides, is wrapped around my neck, protecting my chest from this winter storm.

Quickly, bouncing along the sidewalk, my red shoes glistening on the concrete, my red coat shimmering with moisture from the snow

Quickly I stroll, hands hiding in pockets, I retreat to my warm den, my comfortable abode.

Sunday, January 25

Prayer

Lord, why do I continue to fail you? How can I judge others, when I myself stand to be judged and deserve to be judged? I don't deserve your love Lord, yet you still love me. I sin and you forgive me and I don't deserve to be forgived. Your mercy is so great Lord. Thank you. Thank you times one thousand.

Lord, please give me strength to be good, to live a pure life, to spend every hour of every day in a way that would honor you. It may not always be easy, and many times I may wish for another way, another life Lord, and I am so sorry for those times, but Lord above all I do just want to bring you glory, to praise you, to thank you. I just want others, my friends to understand your love Lord, and the amazingness that you are. But my actions did not reflect that. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Please give me the strength, courage, and will power not to mess up again. I love you Lord. I always have and I always will.

Saturday, January 24

Books

If I could do anything, I would take a year off- just 12 months, that's all I'm asking for- go and live at my grandma's house at the shore, and just read. I have SO many books to read. I've realized that I have a book fetish. I am obsessed with books, bookstores, etc. BUT I don't have the time to read. And when I do have free time, I just need to let my brain not think because when I'm busy I'm so stressed out that the little freedom it has it just needs to breath and relax. I have about 20 magazines, mostly old National Geographics and Conde Naste Travelers to read, and they are not fast reads either, they take a while. And Im only halfway through my book of Emerson, which I'm loving by the way. And then I just, I can't even list all the books on my book shelf. Novels, non-fiction, Chrisitian books, textbooks. Did I mention I was going to re-teach myself french over break, I got two french books for Christmas, and only got to chapter three in one of them.... and I start my french class (the first one in over a year) at 9 am on Monday! ZUT!!! (which I do remember means "darn" en francais....) And now, instead of rambling on, I could very well be relaxing on my nice warm, comfy bed with Mr. Emerson and my cup of now cool coffee (yes, I am drinking coffee after mid-night... WHY?! ZUT! Je ne sais pas!) and reading and learning and discovering. But no, I am rambling. I like to ramble and read. Read and ramble. Hmm.....

Friday, January 23

I take time for granted. If you think about it, time is one of life's most precious gifts. Without time you couldn't appreciate the beautiful purples, pinks and oranges painted like watercolor in the sunset or sunrise. Without a split second, you couldn't enjoy a warm and friendly smile. Without minutes, you couldn't have a heart-felt conversation with those you love. Without hourse you couldn't lay in bed, wrapped in warm blankets, and just rest your soul. Without days you couldn't grow stronger, wiser, older. Without years you couldn't live your life to your own grand, miraculous potential. Time is most definitly one of God's greatest gifts. And concurrently, God defies time. He is time. He is moments, seconds, minutes, hours, days, years. He is life. He is my every breath in and out, my every smile. He is the beauty in the sky, the sleep and rest for my soul, the energy in my coffee. It baffles me that so few believe. Why not? What have you got to loose? God is as real as you are. I feel and see Him in everything. He is with each passing moment you experience. That breath you just took, He was in that. These words that you're reading, He is in them. He is.

Wednesday, January 21

Hope Chant

Hope for a nation

hope for a generatoin

Love that will soar

compassion that will end all wars

Peace for the people

Righteousness from the steeples

Faith to overcome

strength to come together as one

and courage to perservere

Unity will bring us near

Friday, January 2

Is it just another day, or is it a new year....



I have always thought that I was born in the wrong decade, the wrong century even. I ought to have been the age I am now at the beginning of the twenties. Twenty in 1920 would have been perfect. Growing up in a time of care-free fun, when women were just coming of age and having a say in the world.