Ambitions.

Main Entry:
am·bi·tion
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Middle English, from Middle French or Latin; Middle
French, from Latin ambition-, ambitio, literally, act of soliciting for votes, from ambire

1 a: an ardent desire for rank, fame, or power b: desire to
achieve a particular end
2: the object of ambition
3: a desire for activity or exertion



Main Entry:
am·bi·tious
Function:
adjective

1 a: having or controlled by ambition b: having
a desire to achieve a particular goal : aspiring
2: resulting from, characterized by, or showing ambition

It's always very exciting when you have something that you are looking
forward to, something that drives you and compels you to do something with your
life. I have given and allowed myself to have ambitions and be ambitious for
once. It's always a bit scary, because with any type of goal that you set for
yourself or journey that you embark on, there is always the chance of failure,
of not acheiving. But with ambitions, what have you got to lose?

Every summer has pretty much always been the same. But looking back, even
just over this past year, I realize how much I've changed. For one, there's my
relationships with my family. I used to always take the time I spend over the
summer with my grandma for granted, but last summer I realized how precious our
time is together, how much I care and love her, and I'm so excited to see her
and spend time just sitting at her kitchen table sharing stories over cups of
tea and looking out the window at the sun set over the bay. Also, my
relationships with my parents have changed (not sure why I'm getting into ways
that I've changed... that wasn't the intention of this, but it seems to fit in
here, and I like to write, so why not...). Even though I hardly ever see them
anymore I feel like, just the major holidays really, I've grown a lot closer to
my mom. I actually kindof enjoy hanging out with her now (wierd! haha) and she's
more like a friend to me now than anything else. I'm not embarrassed to like
talk to her about the stuff that goes on in my life, and I much more value her
opinion about things now. But then on the other hand, for some reason my
relationship with my dad has gotten worse. I feel like the distance and space
between him and me just keeps getting bigger and bigger and when I do see him
it's kind of wierd and I don't know what to talk about with him. And even though
I am off at college and on my own, I still do feel that pressure to try to
succeed and please him so he can be proud of me. I think I may always have that
feeling, that need to try to make daddy proud. Maybe I just need to accept
that.... Oh and another thing, somewhere along the line, not sure when, maybe
since high school, or last year? I don't know, but that's not important as to
when, just sometime, I have really learn to appreciate life, to just look around
me and be thankful for what I see, thankful for what I have and what's been
given to me. Thankful for all the blessings, the wonderful and the not so good
ones, in my life. And being constantly thankful, aware of the blessings, and
appreciative of life in general makes life so much more happy, fun and
enjoyable.

.....

Anyways, back to now. This summer, instead of just getting a worthless summer
job because I have to and I have nothing better to do (well- it's never
neccesarily been my choice.. Dad always make me get a summer job- but that's OK)
I feel like I am really working for something. I mean, I do have just another
worthless summer job again, haha, actually the same one as last summer- but I've
also managed to get a second job too, so that's pretty exciting. So basically,
I'll be working all the time this summer. And though I surely will complain
about it often, I really don't mind. If I were not working, I'd be sitting
around the house or at the beach doing nothing. Plus, I've got a plan!

Ok so my plan is to save everything I make- as much as I can, minus minor
food expenses, gas money, and the occaisional splurge on a new shirt or
something of the sort.... And the long run plan, is that in general, once I've
saved enough to travel to the next place on my list, then off I'll go. My dream
is to be able to travel the world and write about it. Although I'm technically
not a writer anymore, this has been my dream since the beginning of middle
school, early maybe even. I just want to see the world, all the beauty in it,
experience the cultures that define the billions of people who breathe on this
planet we call earth, shake hands and share smiles with strangers from different
backgrounds, with different stories. I want to live life and experience all that
I can. That is my dream. And back again, to reality.... the money that I make
this summer will enable me to go back to Haiti again in January, and I can't
wait. I want to hug and see and play with all my friends again. I want to
experience that love and that hospitality and I want to help those people again.
I can't wait to go back.

I also am planning on working through the school year too, so with the rest
of my summer money, plus all of the school year next year, I should have plenty
saved up and then I will be able to go abroad over the whole summer next year!
I've done a lot of researching and I have found some amazing study abroad
programs. My favorite is actually in Prague, Czech Republic. Can you imagine
spendin 8 weeks in PRAGUE! Gosh, I can't! Haha! And another of my favorite
programs is in Guatemala and is focused on social work and spanish language.
That's perfect, because I would be able to get social work credit and help
people and learn spanish- which I've been meaning to do forever!

So, we shall see where the future leads me. I hate making plans ahead of
time, so I'm not going to. No. These aren't plans at all. These are just
aspirations. Ambitions.

I'm just being ambitious.