What is Life/ What does it all mean?

Those are two heavy questions that cross all of our minds a few times in life, or for some people I'm sure lay heavy on their heart all the time. Well, here's a new way of looking at life that I just starting thinking about:

I just read in the book Called to Question by Joan Chittister about her thoughts on life. She said, " Life on earth was simply a waiting ground for heaven." At first, I just read over at then kept going down the page, but that idea, earth being a waiting place, a preparation for heaven, kept recirculating in my head. Maybe that could be true? It makes a lot of sense.

Think of it like this: First, our time on earth is short compared to the history of humanity, and is even shorter, is only a pinch of the time we will spend in heaven after his life on earth, because we were given the gift of eternal life, being happy and content in heaven forever.

So if that's the case, then you can compare our time on earth to the foyer of a house. It's like when you are going over to a friends house or going to pick up someone for the first date, and the door is opened to you at the house, so you are welcomed in, and then you stand there, sometimes along or sometimes accompanyed by someone else who lives in the house, while you wait for your friend or significant other to come to meet you at the door. In those moments of waiting, there is an uncertainty around. You stand there awkardly or uncomfortably, looking around the hallway for something familiar, not sure what to do. You also don't know entirely what to expect, you don't know when your friend will come to the door, so there's a feeling of anticipation. That's just like what our life on earth can be compared to. It's the start of something much greater, that's for sure. And during times in our life, we all find us doubting ourselves, unsure of what we are doing, and most of the time we can never be sure of what's next and what's to come.

So then why really does this time, this breath of life, on earth even exist? Well, I've got a theory about that too. We could have st been created in heaven, or just gone straight there, or something along the uncomprehendable lines of that, but we were evidently put on this life for a reason. For all that man is, all that he is capable of doing and feeling, we had to have been created by a higher power, a divine hand that could be greater than we are. I know that God created each of us, and did so in his image. So then, God put on on earth for a reason.

When you experience something you would explain to another person as "beautiful", such as a pink and orange sunset over the water or an arching rainbow appearing over head after a downpour, those certianly are beautiful acts of nature. One of the reasons we may have been put on earth is so that we have a chance to experience things. God wanted to give us a glimpse of the beauty of what we are to experience in heaven. He wanted us to first experience the breath taking beauty of the nautre he made for us on earth before we experience the unthinkable beauty and glory we will see and witness in heaven.

Sometimes you see or hear about actions that one would describe as a miracle, whether it's big or small. For example, I would say that a few months ago or so when that pilot landed his crashing air plane in the Hudson River in out side of NYC and saved the hundreds of people who were going to die, I would say that's pretty miraculous. We hear about these king of miraculous events all the time and see others often online and on the news. Maybe it was just natural coincidence that caused them, but I really don't believe that. I think God has his hand in everything that happens. So what about you, and me? When do we get to experience our miracles? Just wait. If you keep your eyes and heart open, you'll see them all around you every day, though they may be small, they are there. I've expereienced a few already, because I understand that everything really does happen for a reason (but that's another time, another post). So all of these mini miracles, even the pilot landing his crashing plane, all of these are miniscule compared to the miracle that happens we we die, when our souls leave our bodies and pass, with angels and grace, to the heaven God created. That is the ultimate miracle, and we are just being given a tiny reminder and preview to it when we expereince so called miracles here on earth.

Finally, few people are lucky enough to ever really experience and feel love here on earth. Yes, you love your family and they love you. And yes, you love your friends and ya'll would do anything for each other. But I think the most powerful, potent love between to humans is the love and passion and yearning that two people who are truly, unabashedly in love, which is really only felt between the two people who are meant to be together, otherwise maybe known as soul mates. I kinda do think there's one person out there who I'm meant for, who from the beginning of time God said that this man would show me how to love and love me back. Unfortunately, and I can't understand why, but its disconcerting that the divorce rate in today's society is so high. And I can't explain that. Maybe those people settles before they were meant to? I don' know, I can't explain that. But what I can explain, is that I think the earthly love we have for the man/woman we love is the closest thing we can know on earth to what God's love is like for us. That yearning, heartfelt longing, and consuming love that you experience for your loved one is what God had given to us, to our hearts, so that we can have a tiny idea of what his love is like for us. But obviously, God's love really isn't even comparable to that, because he is God, and he can love like we can't even imagine.

What it comes down to is this: our time on earth is a short time of preperation before the real party starts, before we get to meet our wonderful creator, before we get to spend forever in the beautiful, miraculous, lovely heaven. (Just wanted to say, that I do think there are additional reasons we are here on earth, such as to reach out to our brothers and sisters and love them, and help them, and show them God's love; to spread the message of peace and help to bring justice to ourselves and our neighbors; etc... But that's for another time another post too) When we go to heaven we will see beauty that we thought couldn't be created, we will witness the miracle of eternal ife and real perfection, and what I'm looking forward to most of all, is that we will know what God's love is truly like, and our hearts and bodies will be filled to the brim, will be overflowing with his love for us.

Sky experiences

I love looking at the sky. I always have. I remember when I was a little girl, around 5 or 6 years old, spending afternoons just laying on the front lawn in the soft cushiony grass and staring up at the clouds as they go by. My mom and I would tell each other the animals we saw in the clouds and laugh about how ridiculous some of the clouds looked. I remember this one specific day when I was in elementary school and I was walking to the cafeteria for lunch and as I walked outside I remember the sky was this deep dark piercing blue color that was just fascinating. A few summers ago when I was in Colorado volunteering at a camp for a month we went out at night a few times into a clearing and laid wrapped in blankets, looking at the stars. I have never seen such a busy, sparkling, beautiful night sky. I swear there's more stars out west then anywhere else in the world. There were also the warm summer night in high school where my friends and I would spend hours sitting out on the driveway or in someone's backyard just hanging out, talking, and star gazing.

Today I had another amazing sky experience. It was around 5:30 or so this afternoon and I was out on the bay kayaking. It's been a while since I've kayaked, and the last few times I had been I guess were just on small lakes and rivers, so being out on the water like this, the way I was today, was incredible. As I paddled past boat docks and wooded islands, around bouys and crab traps, I was amazed at how small I felt on this great expanse of water. And then when I looked up at the sky, I was even more belittled. The sky looked bigger and wider and greater than I've ever seen it before. In the distance, the horizon was both so close, yet so far. And though the clouds above my head, with their gray underbellies and white puffy tops, appeared to be so close that i could just reach up and rip them out of the sky like a piece of velcro, I knew the sky was beyond my comprehension. The sun was fading behind the clouds with the oncoming dusk, creating a golden glow to everything under the sky. I felt like I was right below heaven. I felt so small. I was so humbled.

When you're in a position where you are astonished at the beauty of nature, and you are actually humbled by what you see, you become so thankful for the gifts of nature, life, everything. As I was paddling back to my house this afternoon, not only did I feel that the clouds above where within reach, but I felt so close to God. Like he was right there- like I could put out my and and give him a high five- that kind of right there. Even though I couldn't actually see his face or literally hear his voice, I still saw him and heard him. He was in the glory and greatness of the clouds spanned across the heavens when I looked up. He was in the shining summer sun and the wind that gently pushed my boat along the choppy water. I could imagine him whispering behind my shoulder that I am his, and he loves me. Not only did I have a great sky experience today, but I experienced God.

I wrote a song on my guitar! :)

Lord, I'm not gonna hold out on you anymore
Lord, please take away this hopelessness
Lord, let your light shine down on me
Lord, show me how to live free

You, let the rain fall
wash away the sins
the sins of the world
You, hung on the cross
died to forgive
you watched it unfold

(chorus:)
It's all about hope
It's all about grace
It's about turning toward you
letting you see my broken face
You teach me to love
You teach me to serve
You are everything to me
so much more than I deserve
You are my King
You are my King
You are
My king

Lord, you opened my heart
you showed my how to love
You've broken my soul
with your power from above

You, comfort the pain
give us strength to rise again
and conquer the world
You, create in my peace
a desire to love
I want to be the least.

It's all about hope
It's all about grace
It's about turning toward you
letting you see my broken face
You teach me to love
You teach me to serve
You are everything to me
so much more than I deserve
You are my King
You are my King
You are
My king

You are my King
You are my King
You are Jesus, my King
what does that make me.
You are my King
You are my King
You are
My king

The Grayness

The ghosts hiding in the mist invite,
feelings of anticipation and anxiety that excite,
souls to awaken from their slumber at night,
while birds spread their wings overhead in flight.

The grayness comes up from the center of the earth,
resulting in a drab and colorless dearth
that strangles and suffocates creatures from their birth,
which leads to tempting, testing, and contemplating their worth.

The horizon can barely be seen far away,
across the lurching and tumbling of the bay;
the haze preceedes the ending of the day
and invites the gloomy dampness to stay.

Rebuild

" 'I will bring back my exiled people Israel; they will rebuild the ruined
cities and live in them. They will plant vineyards and drink their wine; they
will make gardens and eat their fruit. I will plan Israel in their own land,
never again to be uprooted from the land I have given them,' says the Lord your
God." - Amos 9:14-15

A while back the band Switchfoot partnered up with Habitat for Humanity to help out after Katrina. They released this song around that time called Rebuild- it's an awesome song- great lyrics and a wonderful beat. You can actually download it free from Switchfoot, so go here and do that: http://www.switchfoot.com/rebuild/ .


It's really sad to think that the world has always been a broken place. Ever since the beginning of time there has been saddnes, pain, fear, longing. Many of us don't experience the brokeness that much of the world does. Yes, some of us do face hardships like broken hearts, sicknesses, or deaths in the family, and yes those are very hard times filled with lots of tears. But compared to the brokeness and disparity felt by those who have nothing in third world countries, we have it good.

I dream about the day that all this poverty, hunger, hurt, fear, death, fighting and war will be over. I dream about the day when every nation will be united and the people on this earth, our brothers and sisters, will be friends. I dream about the day when my God will bring justice to the earth and heal the brokeness that has seeped into so many hearts. I'm so thankful that the Lord is a loving God and that he believes in justice. I probably won't live to see this new kingdom on earth, when God rebuilds the lands and its people, but I know that day will come. And I can't wait.

Ambitions.

Main Entry:
am·bi·tion
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Middle English, from Middle French or Latin; Middle
French, from Latin ambition-, ambitio, literally, act of soliciting for votes, from ambire

1 a: an ardent desire for rank, fame, or power b: desire to
achieve a particular end
2: the object of ambition
3: a desire for activity or exertion



Main Entry:
am·bi·tious
Function:
adjective

1 a: having or controlled by ambition b: having
a desire to achieve a particular goal : aspiring
2: resulting from, characterized by, or showing ambition

It's always very exciting when you have something that you are looking
forward to, something that drives you and compels you to do something with your
life. I have given and allowed myself to have ambitions and be ambitious for
once. It's always a bit scary, because with any type of goal that you set for
yourself or journey that you embark on, there is always the chance of failure,
of not acheiving. But with ambitions, what have you got to lose?

Every summer has pretty much always been the same. But looking back, even
just over this past year, I realize how much I've changed. For one, there's my
relationships with my family. I used to always take the time I spend over the
summer with my grandma for granted, but last summer I realized how precious our
time is together, how much I care and love her, and I'm so excited to see her
and spend time just sitting at her kitchen table sharing stories over cups of
tea and looking out the window at the sun set over the bay. Also, my
relationships with my parents have changed (not sure why I'm getting into ways
that I've changed... that wasn't the intention of this, but it seems to fit in
here, and I like to write, so why not...). Even though I hardly ever see them
anymore I feel like, just the major holidays really, I've grown a lot closer to
my mom. I actually kindof enjoy hanging out with her now (wierd! haha) and she's
more like a friend to me now than anything else. I'm not embarrassed to like
talk to her about the stuff that goes on in my life, and I much more value her
opinion about things now. But then on the other hand, for some reason my
relationship with my dad has gotten worse. I feel like the distance and space
between him and me just keeps getting bigger and bigger and when I do see him
it's kind of wierd and I don't know what to talk about with him. And even though
I am off at college and on my own, I still do feel that pressure to try to
succeed and please him so he can be proud of me. I think I may always have that
feeling, that need to try to make daddy proud. Maybe I just need to accept
that.... Oh and another thing, somewhere along the line, not sure when, maybe
since high school, or last year? I don't know, but that's not important as to
when, just sometime, I have really learn to appreciate life, to just look around
me and be thankful for what I see, thankful for what I have and what's been
given to me. Thankful for all the blessings, the wonderful and the not so good
ones, in my life. And being constantly thankful, aware of the blessings, and
appreciative of life in general makes life so much more happy, fun and
enjoyable.

.....

Anyways, back to now. This summer, instead of just getting a worthless summer
job because I have to and I have nothing better to do (well- it's never
neccesarily been my choice.. Dad always make me get a summer job- but that's OK)
I feel like I am really working for something. I mean, I do have just another
worthless summer job again, haha, actually the same one as last summer- but I've
also managed to get a second job too, so that's pretty exciting. So basically,
I'll be working all the time this summer. And though I surely will complain
about it often, I really don't mind. If I were not working, I'd be sitting
around the house or at the beach doing nothing. Plus, I've got a plan!

Ok so my plan is to save everything I make- as much as I can, minus minor
food expenses, gas money, and the occaisional splurge on a new shirt or
something of the sort.... And the long run plan, is that in general, once I've
saved enough to travel to the next place on my list, then off I'll go. My dream
is to be able to travel the world and write about it. Although I'm technically
not a writer anymore, this has been my dream since the beginning of middle
school, early maybe even. I just want to see the world, all the beauty in it,
experience the cultures that define the billions of people who breathe on this
planet we call earth, shake hands and share smiles with strangers from different
backgrounds, with different stories. I want to live life and experience all that
I can. That is my dream. And back again, to reality.... the money that I make
this summer will enable me to go back to Haiti again in January, and I can't
wait. I want to hug and see and play with all my friends again. I want to
experience that love and that hospitality and I want to help those people again.
I can't wait to go back.

I also am planning on working through the school year too, so with the rest
of my summer money, plus all of the school year next year, I should have plenty
saved up and then I will be able to go abroad over the whole summer next year!
I've done a lot of researching and I have found some amazing study abroad
programs. My favorite is actually in Prague, Czech Republic. Can you imagine
spendin 8 weeks in PRAGUE! Gosh, I can't! Haha! And another of my favorite
programs is in Guatemala and is focused on social work and spanish language.
That's perfect, because I would be able to get social work credit and help
people and learn spanish- which I've been meaning to do forever!

So, we shall see where the future leads me. I hate making plans ahead of
time, so I'm not going to. No. These aren't plans at all. These are just
aspirations. Ambitions.

I'm just being ambitious.

Sitting on the sands...

I took this picture standing in the middle of the bay on a sandbar just off the coast of Percin, a slum in Haiti. The villagers took us out to the sandbar to marvel at the beauty of the Haitian land. We were rowed out there in a huge boat that was made from a burnt and dug out tree trunk. The guys who took us out there were so funny, they spoke little English, but the bit they did know they were taught by two American University students who had spent last summer there teaching English to kids. Sitting and rocking back and forth, back and forth in this boat, I couldn't beleive my eyes. Were they playing tricks on me? Our missions team had just walked from the dilipated buildings of the city street, where street vendors sold old tennis shoes or used electronics and where little children ran around playing games with no parent supervision, and we walked through the slum of Percin, with the hundreds of tiny shacks with mudfloors and few with tin roofs, with children staring out at us from behind their walls, through the holes in their walls, with holes in their own clothes. Walking down to the water, to the shore-side, through this broken village where I had never seen such depravity, I admit there were doubts in my mind. How could a God exist in a place like this, where the people actually have nothing? How could a God be here and not help and show love to these people? How could he let it get this bad for them? But then, sitting in the makeshift canoe, 100 yards away from the shore, I was baffled by how beautiful it was. I had just seen such poverty and ugliness, and now I was faced with the beauty of the world, of God's creation. I could see some old sailboats harbored nearby with big sails, the rocky hills of Haiti reaching up and dissappearing into mountains hidden by clouds, the bright, hot sun shining way high above our heads. God is here. He was there in the slums too. He was in the children's laughs, their smiles, the nature of the villages to care and love for us, different people from a different world who they didn't even know...

Sitting on the sands of the shores of life, each new day laps at my toes with the rising tide. I find myself amazed at everything-- at life, at love, at the beauty of nature. I know that life is what you make it. Tomorrow will be nothing unless you make it something. No matter what they say or what they do-- you are in charge of your life and you do hold your future, your destiny, the rest of your life in your own hands.

"The whole of human nature is a metaphor of the human mind." -Emerson

Is happily ever after only real in fairy tales

Our society has become so dilluted with the idea of love, through movies, tv, and the media, that I'm afraid we may have set our own expectations too high. Things rarely ever work out the way they do in the movies: a boy and a girl stumble upon each other and experience the classic "meet-cute," it's love at first sight, they date without fighting and find they are perfect for each other, soul mates, he proposes in some utterly romantic way, they have a big, white, expensive, beautiful outdoor wedding, most likely along the beach, and then they live happily ever after.

But how likely is that really to happen in American society today? Less than 1% I'm sure. The divorce rate has been hovering around 50% for the past several years, and that's not good news for us single folks, or the married ones. So you're telling me, that I have a one in two chance of not living happily ever after? And if you think about it, its probably less still, because those people that are married and who don't divorce, how happy are they? And when I mean happy I don't mean you and your husband both work 9-5 jobs, have 2.5 kids, and a white picket fence in the suburbs (is that still even the American dream anymore)....

When I look down the road and picture myself just ten years from now, my idea of happiness is quite different from all of that- but its real. I could see myself living in some big, busy, polluted city in an apartment that is adorable by my standards, but might be a little small and dirty to others, but it suits me just fine. I work at a job that I absolutely love where I am able to make a tangable difference in the world, where I am able to better humanity and spread love. Maybe I've meet that someone special to spend the rest of my life with at that point, but maybe I haven't. There's no rush here. With my loving family, great friends, and a God who's always there, I could never be lonely. I don't need a guy to make me happy. I mean, don't get me wrong, I do desperately want to fall in love with a tall, dark handsome man who treats me like a princess, but just in case my fairy tale never comes true, I will still be happy....

I still don't thing, despite what our society reflects in statisitcs and heartbreaks, that we ought to give up on the idea of happily ever after, true love, and soulmates. It is out there. Maybe only a lucky few will ever find it, but I know that it is. If I search my brain I can conjure up a few friends and people I know who found their prince charmings and who live that live filled with love, joy, and happiness. So to all you who have love, congradulations, and to those of us who haven't yet, good luck. May the force be with you. :)