Weekly reflection:

This past week was my trial for my Ambitions & Goals lists that I made last week. Let me reflect on how I did:

I choose reading over tv in the sense that I decided to give up tv for lent, so I have successfully not watched any tv or movies, but I did somewhat cheat Friday night and watched the past two episodes of The Bachelor online. So minor fail. But it feels more freeing not sitting infront of a mindless TV show (....you know, in front of the real tv because the bachelor is totally cool....)

I definitely have not been eating more healthy or drinking lots of water, but now since there's only like two weeks till Spring Break I will definitely make sure to do so, starting right now!

I think I did smile a good bit this past week and am doing an OK job at appreciating the little things.

I have been really trying to love more, and I like doing it!

I have been writing more often for sure, which feels great, but it hasn't been daily.

I think I only ran once last week. Fail.

Definitely have no idea what is going on in the news right now, might have to scratch that one in the near future.

Have not read a new poem, hopefully I can get to that soon. Did write a poem though.

Didn't talk to my Nana :(

The whole doing something to make someone else happy is easier when you try to always love.

I tried something new with the MOSAIC diversity and leadership retreat I went on this weekend!

Can't remember any adventures... :(

Made a TON of new friends!

Added:
Tried a new recipie: chocolate biscotti, yummmm!
And do something spontaneous: hung out with friends at the diner after the Gathering and randomly high-fived a flannel wearing person I didn't know- pretty fun!

So here's to a new week: A new me, defined by more significant actions that will hopefully leave the week better for not only myself but those around me.

Inspirational qoute for the week:
"Do your little bit of good where you are; it's those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world." - Desmond Tutu

Wordography

This is my first "wordograph". It is a collection of words, exactly one hundred, of an image and feeling that goes along with it. This is my way of making up a fun, enjoyable writing excercise to constantly think creatively and beautifully. Hope you enjoy. :)



1. A gradient of blue strewn about the expanse overhead, lighter at left and deeper on the right. Grass greener than it’s been all season, hinting toward the spring that’s creeping around the calendar corner. Birds. Everywhere: hats of trees, adornments on bushes, decorations on the sidewalk. All singing a beautiful, sunlit song. And the light. Can’t remember a glow this bright—this light is shimmering, shining, full of luster. The air is soft and flowing, blowing gently against rosy cheeks, freckled forehead, through unkempt locks. The day’s beauty makes you feel thankful, gracious, and full of exciting happiness.

Sunshine

It's funny how on dark, rainy days we all become so down and depressed. All we can see and feel is the dampness and the grayness. We are stuck in our own worlds, unable to see the greater picture. We don't think about tomorrow's sunshine, only today's puddles and mud. We don't think that above the heavy rain clouds the sun still shines. But it does. The sun is always there throughout the day, no matter how dark the sky may seem, how wet the ground may be, or how long you have been using your umbrella as a shield, the sun is still there- 93 million miles away- but it is still shining across the universe, sending forth light and warmth to the earth. So I challenge you, the next day you have where you feel like the whole world is cold, dark, lonely and gray, keep your chin up my friend because there's sunlight outhere- probably closer than you think- and your gray skies will clear soon. And maybe, just maybe, if you bring your umbrella down for a second and turn your eyes towards the heavens, maybe you will see a glimpse of light between the clouds, a pocket of sunshine where the beams are trying their hardest to peak through, to light up the earth, and to put that smile back on your face.

Purpose

One of the hardest things to deal with is trying to figure out why something happened the way that it did. I'm not sure I believe in "coincidences" or "fate", rather I do believe everything happens for a purpose, as part of the greater plan of the God of the universe.

The dictionary defines coincidence as:

"a striking occurrence of two or more events at one time apparently by mere chance"

and fate as:

"something that unavoidably befalls a person; fortune".

I'd like to think that God makes those occurences and situations that we may view as coincidence, fate, and chance and he creates those as part of his master plan.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

This is all very reassuring, to know that all things that happen are for the good of myself. That God, my Father who loves me beyond anything I can imagine, only has the best planned out for me.

"God is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or ever dream of- infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes." - Ephesians 3:20

So then why, when hard things happen, when I am faced with difficult decisions and times, when my heart aches for something I cannot have or cannot do, why do I doubt God's motives. No- that's not the right wording. I am not "doubting" God, my faith is not lacking in Him and I do not love him any less. It's just hard sometimes to have no idea why things happen the way they do. One moment, something seems so part of God's plan for you, and the next, the plan got turned upside down and you're right back to where you were. Or are you. I guess what I'm getting at and what I am figuring out is that God really does do everything for a reason and we aren't always going to know what the reason is right away, or for a really long time. And we have to accept that and trust that what God gives us we can handle and that it really is in our best interest.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." -Romans 8:28

Hope

Where is hope in the darkest of days,
when your body has lost all strength and the sky has become hazy and gray,
and you think you're alone in this cold and twisted world
because you cry out for help,
no one can hear,
the only thing that escapes from your throat is a scratchy little yelp.
It's like you're standing naked on row boat
in the middle of the sea,
it's night and it's dark and the storm is your enemy.
All you want is a jacket,
something to keep you warm, something to keep you dry,
someone to help you pull that plank from your eye
so you can finally see
where you're standing.
That you're not alone.
That you're closer to shore than you think.
And a light appears on the horizon after you blink
the stinging salt water from your bloodshot eyes,
you thought you were strong, you thought you were wise,
but the only thing keeping you alive was hope.
Hidden at first,
but at that moment when all seems to be lost,
when life appears to bear such little cost,
your lighthouse, your beacon of hope, appears
and beckons you near.

Gonna try to make this update brief...

The past two days have been a complete whirlwind.

Ok, so yesterday. It started out like any other, maybe a bit more sleepy than others, and I skipped statistics, but I have a feeling both of those are going to become a regular thing. But I had the afternoon free, to spend to myself, which was wonderful. I rarely enjoy my freetime, but I did. During that free time I did something important, I made a list. It's posted below and its purpose is to help myself become a better person, to assist me in reaching my full potential because I beleive I can be a strong, beautiful, loving woman one day if I just reach inside of myself to find what it is that truly makes me, ME. So here's my list (which is printed and hangs infront of me on my desk for inspiration):

Ambitions:

-choose reading over tv

-eat healthy & drink lots of water

-smile more & remember to appreciate the little things

-love: everyone & at all times

-write daily

Weekly goals:

-run at least twice a week

-keep up with the news

-read a new poem & memorize one of its lines

-call nana

Monthly goals:

-do something to make someone else happy

-try something new

-go on an adventure

-make a new friend

additions: .......

So there's that. And I've already made some additions/contributions to my list thus far:

(it's turned out to be just a random bit of thoughts concerning my list....)

-I've realized that smiling more just makes you happy. Even if your not particularly happy. Just smile, and soon that feeling will spread to the rest of your body and warm your heart even on the coldest of windy, winter days.
-When you take notice of the little things, like the setting sun and the purple painted clouds in late afternoon dusk, no only do you become content, you feel loved and you experience God.
-It's not going to be easy to love at all times. And I will often fail, but i need to acknowledge those failure in order to improve and to reasses and to try again, and this time love harder.
-I love writing and I'm SO excited to do it more often- though I realize with everything going on it's going to get hard when I'm crunched on time and stressed with studying.
-I'm not excited to read the news, but I feel as a college student I should be obligated to know what's going on in the world.
-I finally decided what to give up for Lent: TV/movies (ie- choose reading/praying instead of mindless reality shows) and buying things I don't need (ie- clothes, shoes, accessories, etc... because I tend to me a shopaholic.....)
-Praying daily (comes naturally, but...) will help me grow closer to God, which I am so excited to do!
-An addition to my list is to do something spontaneous once a month, which I did today, but striking up a conversation with a stranger on the Metro- something I would never normally do, but I've realized I really LOVE talking to strangers- and which I actually also did last night in the diner during late night when I invented the "Flannel High-Five", which obviously entails high-fiving anyone you see in flannel, and then I demonstrated my shouting flannel high-five and high-fiving some random kid in flannel walking past my chair (awkward!). :)
-Making one new friend a month will not be easy either (good thing February's friend has already been made!). Actually, maybe it won't be that hard after all.

So that's that for rambling. Back to yesterday. At Friend time before The Gathering I had a great time- I just love how God always reminds me how blessed I am, and I am so thankful to have such amazing friends - not to mention funny ones. You know you've got it good when the friends you're with can make you laugh. And I'm talking about them not trying and you laughing naturally. That's what real friends are.

And then The Gathering itself was great last night. I don't want to go into too much detail (yet) about everything that happened, but here's to things that went down:
1) God presented me with an opportunity to follow his calling and to serve him. (That's all I can say about this right now, but more to come for sure soon!!!) Oh- and it's completely crazy when you actually the Holy Spirit in you urging you to do something!
2) John's message last night was about allowing and relying on the holy spirit inside of you to fight the war for you, to give you the strength to stand and not give in to temptation. And it was just an amazing message that hit home for me in some ways and it just reminded me that I am not alone- that I've got GOD on my side. Like the lyrics to a worship song: And if my God is for me, than what could stand against?....

OK so that was just part of yesterday. No for today. To make it short. Really short. I had an interview, or so I thought, this morning, but I get there and it's basically just an orientation- SO I GOT THE JOB!!!!! And I am just beside myself with excitment because for the first time I feel like this field of work could actually be something I could make a career out of. The whole time I was there i couldn't wipe this stupid smile off my face cause I was so happy and excited to be there! More on that later as well.

Quote of the day:
"Cherish your solitude. Take trains by yourself to places you have never been. Sleep out alone under the stars. Learn how to drive a stick shift. Go so far away that you stop being afraid of not coming back. Say no when you don't wand to do something. Say yes if your instincts are strong, even if everyone around you disagrees. Decide whether you want to be liked or admired. Decide if fitting in is more important than finding out what you're doing here. Believe in kissing." -Eve Ensler, author and playwriter

Rap it up:

You think there's no hope
cause you've let go of your hold
no longing clinging on to the rope
You're being dragged behind
the back of the boat
and you're scared cause you can't swim
but thank God you can float

It's daylight out
finally
after spending another sleepless night
as soon as you fall into bed
night after night
you never can sleep
staring wide-eyed and scared
can't shake the feelin' of restlessness from your souless feet
gotta get out
gotta do somethin with your heart
don't need a whole new fresh start
but need some motivation
to get ya outta this starvation
God, i hope you can find some salvation

Now you're on the road alone
running on pavement hard and fast and away from your home
Now you're free
you can finally roam
but where are you headed
where can you go
when your own fears are holdin you back
but if you turn around now it's over
you'll never go back
so just keep on running
lace up your shoes
you got nothin to loose
but remember you can only run so fast for so long
liftin weights can only make you so strong

Eventually the road will get tough
hills turn into mountains and the peaks pille up
and as you get older your strengh begins to fade
your muscles will fail as you grow frail and old
and you've spent all your time worrying
running and falling
you never stopped to slow down
never paused to watch the sun fall down
below the horizon
you laid every night
stuck still in your fright and you
didn't
even
know

I really don't like to hide things. I try to pride myself on being a very open and honest person. That said, I'll be the first to admit that lately God and I haven't been that close. Not that I've been hiding things from Him - since he IS the God of the universe and has put the Holy Spirit actually inside of me, I'm sure that he already knows all that I do and think and all that I'm going to do and think- but I've just been leaving Him out and trying to live life on my own, without relying on Him and putting my faith in its entirety in Him everyday.

But something changed in me yesterday. I woke up with the urge to pray, to read the Bible, to draw closer to God. And I know that that desire in my heart was nothing that I conceived, but it was truly the Holy Spirit inside of me creating a yearning for my God. And it was a beautiful yearning indeed.

So after my classes ...err- my one class, since I already am skipping statisitics..... I came back to my apartment and opened up my Bible to 1 John because those of us on the leadership team are beginning to delve into that chapter together this semester. I had read it before, but probably not all in one sitting, and possibly just to read it, not really to READ it. But as I was going through 1 John yesterday, the words and phrases that I was reading just kept hitting me and striking me as life-changing verses. That's a big way to say it- I know- but if you go and read 1 John, which I REALLY hope you will, I pray that you will get the same experience out of reading it that I did.


After reading it once, and not looking back at it yet, to describe to someone briefly what the book is about, I would say it's about the importance of loving others, the need to stay out of sin, and how the combination of those to actions/lifestyles results in pure and complete joy, given to us from God.

1 John is located in the back of your Bible, after the Gospels and just a few short books before the last book of the Bible, Revelations. 1 John is pretty short, just 5 chapters- and would only take you 15 minutes to read. For some of the background knowledge of 1 John (thanks to Mike Juday): the book was written most likely by the same author (John the disciple) of the gospel of John and the two other epistles of John (2 John and 3 John) and we know this because of the comparative writing styles of the books. John is often referred to as "the one Jesus loved" and is known for fiercely and intensely loving others. It was written in the city of Ephesus, the big mecca or capital city (now where Turkey is), around 90 AD, which was about 5 yeras after the gospel of John was written. In Ephesus at this time, Christianity was still very small and had not widely spread because it was a very dark time as the religion gnoticism was prevalent. Those who practiced gnoticicsm beleived everything spiritual was good and everything of matter, like the body, was evil. Thus, they pushed aside the law, since it was matter, and thought it was no good, and said that Jesus was never really a human (which we know is a blatant falsehood). To compare the religion of gnosticism to todays times, you could argue it is similar to those who don't beleive strongly and follow one religion, but are pursuers of "relative truths," so they acknowledge and don't disagree with Chrisitianity, but also acknowledge all other religions. So to wrap this up, John wrote this kind of as a circulation letter to those who were Christians in Ephesus during this time when they needed words of encouragment in their faith.

More on 1 John later- time to get ready to play in the snow! :)